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Remember there is always hope…

Last night the family went to the weekly session. We started working on the social deficit component in our son. Through our discussion the therapist presented our son with his perspective. The therapist told our son that he has a blind spot when it comes to connecting socially. In addition because it is a blind spot, requires more effort on our son’s part, that our son doesn’t want to put in that effort because it can be difficult. After our son hemmed, hawed and rebutted, at the end of the session our son finally admitted, the real reason he hasn’t reached out to make friends is he is lazy and it takes work to make new friends.

So, why am I happy about this realization for my son? I am happy because the light is on and now the work can truly begin. He may not be open to all our ideas but we can always bring him back to his words, “I am lazy…” Because these words are his way of realizing his blind spot and needs help!

I will keep you all posted!

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Kill Them with Kindness Right?

My son failed his math test. According to the IEP, he is allowed to retake the test. However, what the RSP teachers don’t explain is that the child is supposed to request it. Okay, I understand wanting students to learn to advocate for themselves. I appreciate teaching this life skill. However, tell the parents of these spectacular children. It is part of my duty as a parent to support my child and explain to him this new process at his new school.

So, my son finally asks to take the test again. The RSP teacher said,”ok”. So, one week goes by and no retake. My husband and I email the teacher and no response. It has been over two weeks.

Finally today, I sent an email that was kind but firm. The email said. “I know it is a busy time, however we haven’t heard from you. We would like to know what is happening.” I think that is much better than what I really wanted to say.
Even though there is this one issue, these teachers are amazing. My son has made tremendous growth towards independence. I am so thankful to have them in his corner. Because I was gentle in my tone, I am sure this will remedy itself quickly.

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Do’s and Don’ts for Back to School

Today I read an article on the Back to School Do’s and Don’ts written by By Jerry Bubrick,PhD. He is the Senior Director, Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center; Director, Intensive Pediatric Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum Disorders Program.

Here are some of his suggestions from the article.

Get back into a routine. Change your child’s bedtime from 11 pm to 9 pm. Start waking up your child at school hours. Once they are awake, have your child complete the normal school routine: shower, dress, and eat breakfast. At night, the author suggests limit screen time.  All screens should be off one hour before bed time. In addition, Dr. Bubrick states parents should Shop for school supplies earlier rather than later.

The most important part of the day is to make sure your child fuels their body. Dr. Bubrick says we should be more aware of meals. Why is this important? Dr. Bubrick gave an excellent example. If your child ate at 1pm and doesn’t get home until 5pm, then he/she maybe ravenous and unable to focus on homework. In order to focus, your child will need a healthy snack and then after about an hour your child will be better able to focus on homework.

When asking about your child’s day, Instead of asking “Did you make any friends?” (this may cause embarrassment to your child), Ask “How was your day?” Or

“Tell me three things you liked about today”- I like this last comment. it allows for more conversation to happen. In the question, “How was your day?”, if your child is like mine, you will get the answer, “Fine” then the child will walk away. When you ask for three good things, there are always leading comments to make after you listen first to what your child has to say. You could follow with, “What made this good for you?”

Dr. Jerry Bubrick suggests doing a trial run in order to get off to the right start.

He feels, especially for the child who is very anxious, take a drive by the school, walk into the building and allow the child to become acquainted with the smells and sounds. In addition, map out the classes and know where the locker is located.

As a parent, he suggests not to be afraid of set backs.

He feels parents and the child need to “Temper your expectations.” The expectation of the first days being stellar is not realistic. It is important to let kids ease into it and have ups and downs.Remember as a parent, every two steps forward there is one step back.

As parents, it is important to help kids manage their commitments.

Usually the first week of work is slow. So it is easy to take on new commitments.However, Dr. Bubrick suggests to wait until mid October before signing up for new activities. This way you have enough time for adjusting the schedules

Furthermore, it is important for the kids to balance their lives so that they are not coming home at 9pm and then starting homework and then off to bed at 11pm.

Dr. Bubrick believes this leads to depression. He feels children over commit themselves with activities. It is our job as their parents to show them how to balance.

One of the most important things to remember is that you are your child’s best advocate. If you see a problem but the school hasn’t contacted you, you contact them.

I tried to properly  link the article.  I had a difficult  time.  If you copy and paste this link, it should take you to the original article.  http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2011-8-24-back-school-best-results

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High School Orientation Day

Well Nolan had his first day as a high school student. Now, I understand that it is just orientation but I was excited for him.  He found a familiar face and off he went with a smile on his face.  I was less excited realizing that I am the mother of a high school student.

Stay tuned for new posts during the year. I also have a new book I am reading too. The book is called Look Me in The Eye  by John Elder Robison.    It might take me a while to finish but I will share some interesting tidbits as I read.

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To Pick or Not To Pick- The Revamped Squeeze Ball

Today, I received another fun email from my son’s school.  The complaint is that he is picking his skin.  The teacher then follows up with “if he picks again tomorrow and it bleeds, we will have to remove him from class.”  Really, I wanted to reply, “DID YOU CALL THE OT (Occupational Therapist) and discuss another solution to picking?”  I didn’t  say these exact words because I am trying to pick my battles.
Instead,  I sat down with my husband and reviewed the email.  We discussed how we wanted to approach this with Nolan.  My husband had a great idea.  He suggested that we have Nolan come up with the solution.  So, we called Nolan into the office.  Nolan’s immediate response is, “Did I do something wrong?”  When Nolan says this it always makes me a little sad.  When he asked us if he was in trouble, we told him, “No, we need your help with something.”  We asked him where his squeeze ball was located.  We talked to him calmly about the many reasons why picking his skin is not healthy.  He said he needed to do something with his hands,  He said he stopped using the squeeze ball because he might start playing with it.  Then, we asked him how could we solve this situation.  Nolan came up with a brilliant solution.  He said he would use the squeeze ball if he could have a something attached to it so that it would not fall out of his hand when he squeezed it. Nolan thought of putting the ball into a mesh bag.  He could then slide his hand into the bag and squeeze the ball.  He said his biggest concern is that the squeeze ball will fly out of his hand and he will get in trouble. 

This gave my husband some ideas for revamping the squeeze ball. The first attempt was some string tied around the ball.  That didn’t work.  Every time he squeezed the ball, the string feel off.   So, we decided to put the project down and walk the dog. We needed to look at this differently.  We had an “AH HA!!!” moment.  We realized we could make a small hole at the top part of the nylon covering and insert and string.  The string looped into the top part which fits around the wrist.  The string is long enough to fit around Nolan’s hand. Now, Nolan can squeeze away. 

I have no idea if it will work. The most important piece is that Nico had a say in how to stop his picking.  In fact without his input the new and improved squeeze ball would not have seen the light of day.