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Nolan’s First Three weeks of High School

Starting high school can be terrifying for anyone. Now add an Aspergers teen with anxiety to the mix and terrified doesn’t begin to address the fears.

Nolan just finished his third week at his new high school. He is really enjoying it. The RSP teacher provides Nolan with support and sets his expectations high. Nolan has risen to the challenge. Nolan is remembering to fill in the agenda book and remembering to get it signed by his teachers each period. In addition, Nolan is learning to communicate directly with his teachers via email and in person. He really doesn’t want us, his parents, to interfere. So, the deal was if Nolan took care of all his issues himself, then we wouldn’t interfere.

Even though we have had a great three weeks, we had 2 hiccups. The first issue was that Nolan made a joke in class. The student told the teacher. The teacher emailed me and the RSP teacher. I spoke with Nolan about it. I replied to all parties and told them Nolan will explain that what he said wash joke. The RSP teacher replied,”Nolan is a great kid. It is had in a new school environment. He is doing very well with everything.”. My jaw dropped. I realized at that moment, I had been holding my breath. Why? Usually I get the email, Nolan isn’t allowed to joke like that. Next time he will be suspended or in detention.
The other issue was the lunch line. I had placed money in Nolan’s menu pay plus account. It was the end of the week, I went on line to add more money when I realized the account still had all the money I deposited on the first day. I thought that was strange!!!!! Everyday, I would ask Nolan to tell three good things about his day. One of the things he would tell me was about lunch. He described this yummy roasted chicken he had one day. I thought it was bizarre!!!! So, I emailed the cafeteria worker at the school. She said the pin number was never used but I did have the correct information for Nolan. At the end of the day, I picked up Nolan. I asked him about his day. I asked him about lunch. I told him about the pin number not being used. He finally came clean. He wasn’t eating lunch because the line was too long. He didn’t want to wait in line and he didn’t want to tell me because I would worry. I explained the importance of the body needing to refuel during the day so he would be ready for the rest of his classes.
So, for all the people who don’t understand why we parents need to put our spectrum kids to the front of the line, this is an excellent example.
Well, I am back to packing lunches now in order to ensure that he will eat something.

Nolan loves his high school. He started choir on Thursday, went to his first football game and is learning to make friends. So far he is very happy!!!!

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Do’s and Don’ts for Back to School

Today I read an article on the Back to School Do’s and Don’ts written by By Jerry Bubrick,PhD. He is the Senior Director, Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center; Director, Intensive Pediatric Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum Disorders Program.

Here are some of his suggestions from the article.

Get back into a routine. Change your child’s bedtime from 11 pm to 9 pm. Start waking up your child at school hours. Once they are awake, have your child complete the normal school routine: shower, dress, and eat breakfast. At night, the author suggests limit screen time.  All screens should be off one hour before bed time. In addition, Dr. Bubrick states parents should Shop for school supplies earlier rather than later.

The most important part of the day is to make sure your child fuels their body. Dr. Bubrick says we should be more aware of meals. Why is this important? Dr. Bubrick gave an excellent example. If your child ate at 1pm and doesn’t get home until 5pm, then he/she maybe ravenous and unable to focus on homework. In order to focus, your child will need a healthy snack and then after about an hour your child will be better able to focus on homework.

When asking about your child’s day, Instead of asking “Did you make any friends?” (this may cause embarrassment to your child), Ask “How was your day?” Or

“Tell me three things you liked about today”- I like this last comment. it allows for more conversation to happen. In the question, “How was your day?”, if your child is like mine, you will get the answer, “Fine” then the child will walk away. When you ask for three good things, there are always leading comments to make after you listen first to what your child has to say. You could follow with, “What made this good for you?”

Dr. Jerry Bubrick suggests doing a trial run in order to get off to the right start.

He feels, especially for the child who is very anxious, take a drive by the school, walk into the building and allow the child to become acquainted with the smells and sounds. In addition, map out the classes and know where the locker is located.

As a parent, he suggests not to be afraid of set backs.

He feels parents and the child need to “Temper your expectations.” The expectation of the first days being stellar is not realistic. It is important to let kids ease into it and have ups and downs.Remember as a parent, every two steps forward there is one step back.

As parents, it is important to help kids manage their commitments.

Usually the first week of work is slow. So it is easy to take on new commitments.However, Dr. Bubrick suggests to wait until mid October before signing up for new activities. This way you have enough time for adjusting the schedules

Furthermore, it is important for the kids to balance their lives so that they are not coming home at 9pm and then starting homework and then off to bed at 11pm.

Dr. Bubrick believes this leads to depression. He feels children over commit themselves with activities. It is our job as their parents to show them how to balance.

One of the most important things to remember is that you are your child’s best advocate. If you see a problem but the school hasn’t contacted you, you contact them.

I tried to properly  link the article.  I had a difficult  time.  If you copy and paste this link, it should take you to the original article.  http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2011-8-24-back-school-best-results

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High School Orientation Day

Well Nolan had his first day as a high school student. Now, I understand that it is just orientation but I was excited for him.  He found a familiar face and off he went with a smile on his face.  I was less excited realizing that I am the mother of a high school student.

Stay tuned for new posts during the year. I also have a new book I am reading too. The book is called Look Me in The Eye  by John Elder Robison.    It might take me a while to finish but I will share some interesting tidbits as I read.

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To Pick or Not To Pick- The Revamped Squeeze Ball

Today, I received another fun email from my son’s school.  The complaint is that he is picking his skin.  The teacher then follows up with “if he picks again tomorrow and it bleeds, we will have to remove him from class.”  Really, I wanted to reply, “DID YOU CALL THE OT (Occupational Therapist) and discuss another solution to picking?”  I didn’t  say these exact words because I am trying to pick my battles.
Instead,  I sat down with my husband and reviewed the email.  We discussed how we wanted to approach this with Nolan.  My husband had a great idea.  He suggested that we have Nolan come up with the solution.  So, we called Nolan into the office.  Nolan’s immediate response is, “Did I do something wrong?”  When Nolan says this it always makes me a little sad.  When he asked us if he was in trouble, we told him, “No, we need your help with something.”  We asked him where his squeeze ball was located.  We talked to him calmly about the many reasons why picking his skin is not healthy.  He said he needed to do something with his hands,  He said he stopped using the squeeze ball because he might start playing with it.  Then, we asked him how could we solve this situation.  Nolan came up with a brilliant solution.  He said he would use the squeeze ball if he could have a something attached to it so that it would not fall out of his hand when he squeezed it. Nolan thought of putting the ball into a mesh bag.  He could then slide his hand into the bag and squeeze the ball.  He said his biggest concern is that the squeeze ball will fly out of his hand and he will get in trouble. 

This gave my husband some ideas for revamping the squeeze ball. The first attempt was some string tied around the ball.  That didn’t work.  Every time he squeezed the ball, the string feel off.   So, we decided to put the project down and walk the dog. We needed to look at this differently.  We had an “AH HA!!!” moment.  We realized we could make a small hole at the top part of the nylon covering and insert and string.  The string looped into the top part which fits around the wrist.  The string is long enough to fit around Nolan’s hand. Now, Nolan can squeeze away. 

I have no idea if it will work. The most important piece is that Nico had a say in how to stop his picking.  In fact without his input the new and improved squeeze ball would not have seen the light of day. 

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Child Mind Institute – Anxiety Disorders and OCD 05/06 by The Coffee Klatch | Blog Talk Radio

The link below is an interview with  Jerome Bubrick, PhD, is a nationally renowned cognitive and behavioral psychologist who specializes in the treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

I really enjoyed this interview.  This interview talked about OCD and anxiety issues.  In addition, Dr. Bubrick discusses what the root of the anxiety.  He discusses how these are genetic and through the brain as well as, learned.   The most important part about their work is to teach parents, teachers to be proactive and intervening to help the children through the anxiety. Most important tip to remember is never be dismissive about a child’s anxiety.  It is not a good decision to say, “It is all in your head.”   The recommendation for treatment is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).  Through this therapy helps teach people how they think, feel and do.   CBT is not just therapy where people talk about their anxiety.  The person talks about how they think, how it makes them feel and then what the person can do about the feelings.   It is a structural approach that moves at the individuals pace. 

Click on the link below and take some time to listen.

Child Mind Institute – Anxiety Disorders and OCD 05/06 by The Coffee Klatch | Blog Talk Radio

For more information visit: www.childmind.org