So much at once….

You know, your brain can only handle so much stress. Some of the issues we have had with our son are too personal to share. They have been issues of his vision of his life, the feature and things I don’t even think I worried about as a kid. This has been way too much for my brain to absorb. I needed to process everything he said to us.
As I write this blog, I find my self looking at old pictures and reminisce back to when he was three years old with a wide eyed smile. There was such a light around him when he was younger. The light is still there, but under his stress on life and school, it has dimmed. I know these issues are normal for a teen. My brain understands this part, but my heart aches watching him meander his way through the challenges of life. After all, I am a mama bear!

Now we remember when our parents put their foot in their mouths. Do you remember when you walked away feeling stupid for being so open with your parents? I do! I remember saying, “I’ll never tell them anything again.” I really didn’t share much after feeling humiliated. Some parents first reaction and mistake, when the child shares something deeply personal would be to say, “How would you know?” or “You are too young” “You cant tell what the feature will bring”. Basically, dismissing the child’s feelings and fears.

I am trying not to be that parent. The best thing for a parent to do is to figuratively bite your tongue. This is not always possible. After all, I am an Italian jew with a short fuse, which I have learned to control over time. Moreover, I am NOT perfect.
After you bite your tongue, tell your child you love them and let the situation rest until your child is ready to talk some more and you are ready to actively listen. That is listen with out projecting your thoughts or your fears. Remember, it is not about you. It is about them.

So, you are probably asking yourself, “How did she do?” Well, I did okay, like I said, I am not perfect. My problem was that I wanted to have a discussion, a two way dialogue about what my son told me. See that was the mistake. He didn’t want a conversation. He just wanted me to hear his thoughts. I wasn’t supposed to ask questions are seem interested in his ideas. So, note to self, next time, just say, “I hear you” and move on.

Thanks for reading:).
I’ll post again soon.

Sorry, I have been overwhelmed lately. Ahhhhh……

Wow, I have not written in such a long time. What kept me away? I am dealing with a bout of depression. It is not the type of depression where one can’t move physically. It is the type where you go about the normal routine sometimes with a smile, all the while, in your heart sits a stinging pain. The aching pain increases and decreases, but it never goes away. If you were on the outside and didn’t know me well, you would never know I was struggling. I am not searching for pity. That is not the purpose of this blog.

I am depressed over the mix of my class. There are some brutal behavior problems, as well a, children and parents who don’t value education. They would rather tell me how awful of a person I am for holding students accountable for their behavior and their learning. Then throw in my son who struggles with his aspergers, anxiety, and teenage hormones. Oye!!!!!!! All I wanted to do is run away and hide. I am still struggling with this depression, but I am forcing myself to sit here and write about it in hopes that my journey may help someone else who struggles with life’s crazy journey.

So, parents out there, it is okay to stick your head under the pillow for a bit if things become overwhelming. The most important part is that you resurface and take care of yourself in order for you to have the strength to handle the rest of the chaotic life.

So how did I start to pull myself out. Well, I had one of my good friends constantly tell me, “If you don’t take care of yourself first, you can’t take care of anyone else”. She the type of friend everyone should have. the type of friend who tells you what you need to hear and not only what you want to hear.
It wasn’t right away that I took her message to heart. As I drove by my gym each day on my way home, I heard her in my ear telling me the same thing over and over. Finally, I took the first step. I drove to the gym. Within a month or so, I pushed myself back into the gym at least four times a week. Now on Saturday, I have a great yoga class to help center myself. Then, I spin and imagine I am smushing melons under my bike wheels. I feel so empowered when I get off the bike. Even when I don’t have time for a class, a great hike or walk is refreshing. I use my friends advise as my mantra. It is really helped to put things in perspective.

I am sure I may be hit again by this paralyzing bullet train, called depression, but if I continue some sort of yoga and exercise plus FIND A THERAPIST, I know I will be able to handle my crazy life in a more healthier productive way.

I will post again soon. Thanks for reading!

Saturday December 8th from 9:30 am -12:30 pm

I just signed up for a Saturday symposium about Asperger’s.   If your wish to sign up here is the link www.vistadelmar.org/continuingeducationunits.

Here is the information sent to me by a friend.

Method for Treating Youngsters Diagnosed with Asperger’s Disorder
Presented by an expert who brings a psychoanalytic understanding and approach to working therapeutically with children and adolescents diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Katharine Gould, LCSW is a faculty member of the Child and Adolescent Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy program at the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis and a recent member of the New Center for Psychoanalysis. She was the issue editor and contributor to Psychoanalytic Inquiry on the topic of psychoanalytic work with patients diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Dr. Gould also has a private practice in Santa Monica.

Dr. Gould’s presentation challenges the misinformed opinion that psychodynamic psychotherapy is largely ineffective with patients diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS). Using a psychodynamic approach Ms. Gould demonstrates how she was able to uncover the keen longing for attachment that lay beneath one boy’s unrelated and alienating behaviors – behaviors that left this rigid and perseverating six year-old boy trapped and isolated from peers, parents, and teachers. As she introduces first dialog and then characters into his mechanized rituals, the young boy begins to see his therapist seeing him and learns reciprocity as he is guided into play. An unplanned early termination provokes an unexpected demonstration by him of what he has learned. From her clinical material you will gain insight into the deficits that cause the peculiar asocial behaviors typical of the AS character, recognize the extraordinary challenges that an AS child presents for parents and peers, and learn a method of playing with the AS child that teaches reciprocity and the feeling of being found.